How to Go From Easy to Asexual in 3 Steps

I once walked a million miles for a man that wouldn’t cross the road for me. But in my defense, I was young, foolish and in love, and he had no legs. Not really, he was an ass.

“In love,” that is a rather fluid phrase for an emotion/feeling that can elicit a profound response. Positive or negative. Personally, I think it is the most misunderstood and misused phrase known to humans. For example; I often say I am in love with the arts. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to get up-close-and-personal with a paintbrush.

Google’s search engine explains the phrase in-love this way;

phrase. If you are in love with someone, you feel romantically or sexually attracted to them, and they are very important to you.

Well, that’s rather vague isn’t it?

Does it mean that you can be romantically or sexually attracted to someone but, because they are not very important to you, than you’re not in love with them?

If someone is very important to you but you are not romantically or sexually attracted to them, do you still say you are in love with them?

And, what if they are just important to you and not “very” important? Do you still say you are in love?

Perhaps, it is the combination of all three; romantically and very important or sexually and very important. Because, we all know romance and sex are two very different things. You can romance someone without having sex with them (even if that is the end goal.) And you can have sex with someone without taking them to dinner first. I think the words “very important” is the key-factor to telling someone that you are in love with them.

But I digressed.

Today’s post is actually about how to go from easy to asexual in 3 steps.

Step 1: Fancy yourself in love with someone only to find out that he kept coming around (no pun intended) for years, because he thought you were easy. (True story or so I heard through the grapevine)

Step 2: Don’t wait around for said person in Step 1 to ask you to marry him. Instead, date several men. Romanticize that you are in love with each of them. When they don't reciprocate in kind, end the relationships with an increasing bitterness towards the opposite sex. Then, decide that you need to take a break from dating to “find yourself,” because you think your love radar is broken. (I can’t make this stuff up folks, it’s all true)

Step 3: Before you start dating again you turn forty-five and enter menopause, which profoundly changed your outlook on every aspect of your life. And you come to the realization that romance and sex are no longer as “very important” as they once were. In fact, not important at all and they may never be again. And you are quite fine with that. Then one day, when you are just north of sixty, it’s implied that you are asexual. Instead of being offended you Google the definition first. With the new-found knowledge you realize that you are okay with that label because that means you’re no longer a bitter old hag that hates men. And really, when all is said and done it’s okay not to have a partner, because there is always art. (Insert a cheeky wink here)